Monday, December 27, 2010

The "Friend Zone"... Is it such a bad thing?

A term that's been a round for quite some time, but made popular by the feature film "Just Friends" starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart and Anna Farris. The most popular definition on Urban Dictionary was from "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

Okay... To harsh? Maybe so, but the fact remains that most times this is deemed a negative thing. I've been feeling a lot like a half-glass full kind of guy, so I'm not so sure I agree.

I will say that it has a stigma attached to it for both sexes... Some people are not inclined to take the friend route to get to a relationship... It could be due to some deep down desire to be needed our connected to someone else or maybe the ol' biological clock is ticking... what it comes down to is the desire for instant gratification (I suppose in more ways than one).

I can honestly say that I've been in a number of relationships that started out in the "Friend Zone" and those have been the most fruitful... Now, one may say, why aren't you in those relationships today... For one reason or another things just didn't work out, but I can honestly say that I am still friends with those women today. Ideally, you wish all relationships ended that way, but then again how else would we learn what to avoid if it weren't for all the teenage/early adult drama (I say early but have seen it rear its ugly head in both the 20s and 30s for some - that's sad)?

Let things develop... truly seek out friendship (avoid ulterior motives) and eventually you never know what you might find there waiting for you in the future. Because, the reality of it is, everything a woman searches for now (which is somewhat shallow - regardless of the lip service paid to the 'ideal' of finding a nice guy) is not what she values when she is more mature. Of course that doesn't mean 'let yourself go' guys... and the same goes for the ladies. We are all only human, right?  

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